absolutely me

On the other hand, I was a little disappointed today. Nicole had a small graduation ceremony at his home daycare pre-k, and I didn't even know!!! Can't believe my friend didn't tell me about it, she knows I would've been there taking pictures and cheering. Or maybe it's because she DOES know that she didn't tell me. In any event, nobody was invited, and my friend the daycare provider did was show us a picture of all four girls showing off their diplomas (we could only see it, because she didn't take enough pics with her Polaroid. Dang!). Of course, as soon as we arrived home, I asked Coco to pose for some pictures, and she was posing beside her baby brother. But I want to take a picture of her by herself, so I ask her if we can go outside, and we do, but she is putting her hand on her face to block the sun away. "No, Coco! Please don't put your hand there, you're blocking your face!". "But mom, the sun is bothering my eyes!". Oh, ...

Well, today Cesar had to give his speech about the Wright Brothers. They were given the opportunity to chose a person or persons who had great impact in the world, and he chose them. He worked all month long preparing and yesterday, we were preparing the visual aids for him. Now, being a scrapbooker AND a perfectionist-control freak that I am, I started planning his board, the layout, the phrases, etc., when I realized MY SON IS 11. He's going to Jr. High. It's ok to let go. He can do this, and he can do a good job. SO... making use of all my willpower, I handed over the pics I printed, and let him fly. And fly he did! I loved the "LO" he created, and the speech was superb! And what a concept, I can actually sit back and relax, instead of worrying like crazy and frantically trying to do his work for him. He was supposed to be dressed in character, too, and I must admit we were laughing so hard, because without the tie, he looked like a mobster. Today his presentation...

So... we are getting ready to go out to a birthday party on Memorial Day. Cesar was with his dad this weekend, so we only had Coco and Connor with us. And Nicole tells me, "Mommy, I'm a big girl now. I'll be 5 on June 3rd, so I think I can get ready ALL by myself". What am I supposed to say? It's a bitter sweet feeling that takes over me when I see this sweet little girl growing into a BIG girl... I wish I could hold her in my arms and kiss her and hug her, and not let her go ANYWHERE, ever, always being my sweet precious baby. But I know she's with me for just a short while; I can't stop her from growing, nor do I really want to, so... of course, I let her go and get ready ALL by herself. I call out her name and ask, "Nicole, are you ready? come down so that I can do your hair, hun, it's really getting late!". Her response? "Oh, no mom, you don't need to! I already did it ALL by myself"... "So, how do I look, mommy? Do I l...

Yesterday, Noni and Pappa came to pick up the kids to give Brian and I some time to finish projects. Brian did a SUPERB job on the garden and the garage... I can't believe I have a garage again! We still can't fit a car in there, true, but at least you can actually WALK without it meaning an almost certain trip to the ER. Bri planted some new flowers, and my garden looks pretty. Anyways... around 7, Bri called Noni and Pappa and told them we'd head out there, grab a bite to eat, and get the kids. Pappa called back one minute later and announced they're on their way. In all honesty, I was a little hurt (are my kids THAT unbearable???), but hey, I was grateful that they actually did help out. Half an hour later, they come in, and I hear Connor crying and sobbing! I was worried because I've never heard him cry like that before, so I went down as Pappa got him out of his seat. Connor was still crying, his voice almost gone, his whole body shaking. Pappa picked him up an...

So, what is next??? Last night, Brian gets home, and I am just soooo tired, I fall asleep almost immediately (I'd say I was asleep by 8!!!). Woke up a couple of times during the night, and boy, did my throat hurt or what! Wake up this morning (at 4:30, with Connor, of course), and the throat is killing me (aaarrrrggghhhh!!!!). So, in spite of my deep and profound desire to lose some baby weight that seems to keep finding its way back to my rear end AND belly, I go to the freezer and take out some chocolate ice cream. I don't care who tells you what, there's nothing like a good tequila and a good ice cream to cure a nasty flu. And since I can't drink at 4:30 in the morning (or at any other time, really, because we do not usually drink, and therefore I do not have any tequila, only Baileys, the Irish cream that goes perfect with my Irish hubby), I can only have ice cream. And Ice cream I had, I think I ate the whole 1/2 gallon we had left. The throat, of course, stopped h...

I'm feeling much, much better today. I think this was a fast one, three days is not a bad deal. Seems like the day has been kinder to me, and I could sleep a restful 5 hours last night. That always helps. Brian says that a nice hot shower cures just about anything; I think it's the nice sleep, which tells you right there who's the clean one in this relationship. In any event, today I went to my lss to scrap with two of my friends. I'm not sure if any one of them will ever find this blog, so let me just keep their names to myself. So we were there for 3 hours, talking and having all three a good time (plus the store owner, who has become a friend of mine, too), joking and laughing. When we are leaving, one heads to her car on the other side of the parking lot, and the other one has her car by mine, so we're still chatting a little. I'm asking her if she'll scrap tomorrow, and she says yes, she will because she can't go anywhere now, she's stuck at hom...

So many ideas in my head. So many things to catch up with. I guess I'll just have to take it easy coming back to my blog. Now, the coming back to my senses didn't really hapen, much to the disappointment of dh (hehe!). In any event, here I am again. I breath in deeply. Try to really take in all the air into my lungs (Todo a Pulmon!), and really feel it . I AM ALIVE. Don't just acknowledge it! FEEL it! I AM FINE. It's ok. I am fine. I will be fine. I guess I shouldn't try to come back and Blog the day I'm fighting back a panic attack. I hate the feeling. I've been having this one since Wednesday, and it's lasting a little too long. Maybe I shouldn't even talk about this here. Too public of a forum. Too scary to lay myself emotionally naked here. But then again, this is part of who I am, and only people I really care about know of the existence of this blog. I started having panic attacks in 1996. I didn't know what was happenning to me. I thought ...