And here we go again

I have been gone for soooo long... There's always the ballet classes, and the movie nights for Cesar, and the playing on the ground with Connor, and the walking around the neighborhood and finding everybody out and about... it makes it so dofficult to find time to come and sit in my computer when I'm not working. It's been a placid, beautiful summer, this time to sit back and enjoy the sun on my face and the laughter of the children in the backyard.

Lots has been happening. My good friend Jacquie was blogging last month about weight issues that were not making her happy. At that time, I remember saying it really doesn't bother me, and all was fine, but Jacquie made me think. Now, here's the story: all of my adult life, up until my last pregnancy with Connor, I've been a size 4-6. Even after Cesar and Coco were born, three months later I would go back to my regular size. I even kept a party dress that I used to wear in my college years, and it would always fit.

But then, in February of 2005, I got pregnant. The first thing that tells me I am, is that I gain a lot of weight fast. And I did. We were very happy. Then, in April, I had a misscarriage. We were thinking of trying again later on in the year, but it so happens that God had better plans for us, and before I could lose any of that weight, I was pregnant again. There was no period in between :)

Now, you may not know that I was a very heavy smoker. From 16 to 36, except for 2 very brief periods, I smoked every day of my life. I'm not proud to say it, but that's just the truth. About a pack a day. And Brian, who has never touched a cigarette, had been asking, pleading, even beggin, for me to quit smoking. But not until May 9, 2005, I quit that horrible habit, for good. But of course, that meant more weight gain.

And the pregnancy was pretty bad, where I would have to lay down for most of the time. no excercise, just eating. Not that I was a big fan of excercise to begin with, with all the smoking, but I used to walk a lot downtown Chicago to go to my interpreting assignments. Then Connor was born, and I stopped taking assignments to work from home. Which brings me to the day when Jacquie was talking about weight.

Of course, by now I got rid of all my size 4-6 wardrobe... and began getting the 12 and 14 size jeans and t-shirts. I went from 120, to a 150 lbs. In all honesty, though, I am at a point in my life where my size doesn't bother me at all. I am way beyond that point, and Brian loves me so much, that I really couldn't care less.

But, that said, I have to say that I began to think about a couple of things that had been bothering me. For one, my hands were starting to fall asleep. WHAT??? ok, I really dind't like that. Now, I've been waking up with back pain in my lower back WHAT??? That never happened before!

So, as I was thinking about this, one day, about three weeks ago, I had a nagging feeling that brought me to my SCALE. WHAAAAT??? 157 lbs.???? Now, 150 didn't bother me at all. But 157 and my hands falling asleep, and having back pain int he morning, and not being able to fit into my 14 size shorts, now THAT did bother me. How unhealthy am I eating? I then started a diet that is really not much of a diet as in "I want to lose weight right now" as it is an "I want to be aware of the things I'm putting in my mouth", and I realized I was eating a LOT of junk! Wow! I really didn't know I was!

So, I started keeping track of all I'm eating, and in 3 weeks, I'm back to 150! I really am enjoying this thing about counting calories, proteins, fat and carbohydrates. I know it may sound geeky, but it's been such a cool thing, I am really enjoying the experience. And funny enough, my hands and legs are not falling asleep anymore, although my back still hurts in the mornings. I guess I still have a little bit more to go, but in the mean time, I'll just enjoy this new ride. I'm not aiming for a size number at all, but just a healthier, lighter me.

As for the excercise... well, I'm just trying to tackle ONE MONSTER at a time!